I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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