I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Pooping to opera.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
