Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
