He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
