before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
