Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
