You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
