and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
