As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
