Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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