I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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