Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
