In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
