i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
