My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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