the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
