i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
