Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
