My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
