For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
