It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
