My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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