just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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