maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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