he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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