I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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