He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
