Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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