So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
