Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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