cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
