I cannot find my penis.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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