I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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