im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
