It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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