so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
