Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
