i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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