I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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