Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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