So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
