I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
