you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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