Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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