I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
