3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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