dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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