My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
