You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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