Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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