Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
