she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
